Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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