Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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