love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
