My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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