omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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