two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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