So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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