saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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