Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
