at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
