dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
