dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
