The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
