oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
