Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
