is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
