i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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