Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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