I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
