well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
