Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
