Apparently you make a good broom.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
