I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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