I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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