Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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