I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
