just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
