I feel like abortions should bother me more
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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