dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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