How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
