I wannas sexs uuuuu
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
