Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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