Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Pants are for mortals
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
