Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
