I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
