Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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