After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
