and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
