Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
