I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
