wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
God, I missed his penis.
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