Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
