Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
