Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
is wine microwaveable?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
