when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I smell like Dick and happiness
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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