That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize