I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
