didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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