i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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