There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
