dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
