I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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