Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
