Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
