dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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