there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
