Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My penis needs a shock collar
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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