I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
