WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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