hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize