I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
