Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
