when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
