wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
