I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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