There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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