yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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