You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
